SECOND WRITING
According to
some people a divorce is something good, but on the other hand the 60% of the
population thinks that a divorce is something bad.
In my opinion a
divorce is something bad, because in the 70% of cases is not a mutual decision,
and is a difficult process if the partner isn´t agreeing with us, even if a
divorce can bring us problems, if we have children implicate, it will be more
problematic or in some cases even can be a big trauma for them.
I know a neat
case, where the children were 6 and 7 years old, and when their parents
divorced they didn´t understand what was happening And the only thing that they
knew is that their father stop going home.
Now a day they are big and their mother
explain them why their father isn´t living with them and why they see him just
once or twice in a year.
Now they are Okay, but when all this happened,
they get a big trauma, because they are thinking that their dad left home
because they were thinking that their dad left home because they do something
wrong.
While the new
generations think that a divorce is something normal and a good thing, the old
generations thinks that is a bad thing, because when they were young the
marriages were for hall life, not like today.
I think that if
a couple want to get married , they have to think it very good because you have
to be prepared to make this big step in our life. Also, they have to know how
will be living with his/her e partner.
Some people
when they are a couple they are very happy and everything is almost a
fairy-tale, but suddenly when they get married their life isn´t more a
fairy-tale and problems start. That is because they think that get married is a
big passion and they are not going to "survive". All in all, I
believe that a divorce is something bad, but in critics situations like
domestic violence, is the best option possible



The introduction is perfect. The first paragraph is too long, you don't use enough stops and it's difficult to read your ideas. Divide the first paragraphs into more with different ideas.
ResponderEliminarYou have very important mistakes, PRESENT SIMPLE TENSES, ADJECTIVES IN PLURAL...You mixed a lot PRESENT and PAST, this is a very serious mistake. And don't forget to use a SUBJECT before any verb.
Be careful with:
"is not a mutual decision" = "it is not a mutual decision" (l.3)
"is a difficult process" = "it is a difficult process" (l.4)
"isn't agreeing with us" = "doesn't agree with us" (l.4)
"even a divorce can bring us problems" = "even if ANY divorce can bring us problems" (l.5) If you use ANY you emphasize that divorce with children are worse
"implicate" = "implicated" (l.5)
"even can be" = "it even can be" (l.6)
"neat case" = "near case" (l.7)
"their parents divorced" = "their parents got divorced" (l.8)
"their father stop" = "their father stopped" (l.9)
"Now a day" = "nowadays" (l.10)
"big" = "old" (l.11)
"their mother explain" = "their mother explains" (l.11)
"Okay" = "okay" (l.11)
"they get a big trauma" = "they got a big trauma" (l.11)
"they are thinking" = "they thought" (l.12) YOU REPEAT THIS SENTENCE TWICE
"they do" = "they did (l.13)
"old generations thinks" = "old generations think" (l.15)
"hall" = all (l.16)
"make this step" = "take this step" (l.18)
"will be living with his/her e partner" = "living with his/her partner will be" (l.19)
"get married" = "getting married" (l.22)
"critics situations" = "critic situations" (l.24)
Grade: 2,75